please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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