Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
