You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
