In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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