you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
