She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
