Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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