So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
