my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
