he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
