it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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