my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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