so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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