So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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