That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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