I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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