im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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