your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
