did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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