worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
