the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
