Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
