End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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