quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
