Duck Duck Cougar?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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