There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
