Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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