wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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