My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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