I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
