so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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