Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
