The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
