Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
