i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
