I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
