I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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