I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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