I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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