I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
