Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
