Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
