Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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