I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
