I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
