If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
