a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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