Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
