one two three fourrrrnication!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
