There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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