I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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