i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
two words...techno handjob
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
