you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
