dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
